Daily Silly Status

Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!

Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.

I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.

When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.

My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.

When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".

Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?

I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?

None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.

A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.

is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?

I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.