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I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...