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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.