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You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted