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Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.