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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.