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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.