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Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.