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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.