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If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!