Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep