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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.