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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels