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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
Sometimes I wish I wasn`t rich and handsome and delusional.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.