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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
The best thing about falling down when you`re home alone is that you can just lie on the floor and take a nap.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`