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I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?