Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.