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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
What number SPF blocks people?
I give myself the best presents.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."