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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|