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All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?