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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.