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My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.