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Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar