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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?