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I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..