Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.