Daily Silly Status

To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that

So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m

i am not so think, as you drunk i am

Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.

Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know

I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.

When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.

I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)

Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable

My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.

If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.

Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.

Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.

Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”

"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.