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Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.