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I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, Iām pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.