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I`ve been having really bad headaches lately. The doctor said they were all in my head.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
Word for the day is asstard
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.