Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
I wish I could veto MY bills.
You look like I need another drink
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?