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Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
I`m never free but I`m available.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.