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Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!