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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)