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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?