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My gift horse is facing the wrong way
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.