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I wish more people were fluent in silence.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon