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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem