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I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.