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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!