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I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.