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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
Can I get likes for no reason?
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.