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I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.