Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.