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I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don`t know yet though she`s still in bed