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Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.