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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Marriage is for quitters
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.