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I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!