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Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".