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ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.