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I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.