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Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
bras are booby-traps
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?