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Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.
My own personal hell sounds great, actually