Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.