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I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.