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Practice safe text ā use commas and never miss a period.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Got suspended from Instagram for going on everyone`s food pics and posting the calories.
Hi Iām a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day