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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.