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Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
there is no strong beer, only weak men
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”