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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.