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I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...