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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume