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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.