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Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
u cant spell awesome without me
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.