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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun