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I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.