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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.